Sucking at this..

I finally decided to post again, but I'm still not exactly sure what to post or talk about.
SORRY

For now, here's my current list of favorite songs to jam to:
1) My House
2) Trees
3) Love Yourself
4) Pillowtalk
5) Roses
6) 7 years


That's all for now my friends. (Oh wait that's no one because no one reads this anyway..

still hanging on

KAy

My white flag is in the air...

So super sorry because I haven't posted. But I think I have hit rock bottom for the second time in my life. I'm stressed out to the max, and I've just been really sad lately. Also, super confused on what to do with my life. I think that I might be better a little now, and that's good. For now though, and I think that from here on out, I want to just ignore what people think and tell me, and do what I know is right. I need to fill the empty spaces with something other than alcohol because that's the only thing I've tasted the last few weekends. I'm sorry that sometimes I'm a shitty person. I just need space. So I'm here to let you know that I am aborting this blog for a couple more weeks, or until I feel like I can be more committed to it again. I promise this isn't a forever Good bye. I'll be back. I just need space. I'm sorry.


xoxoxoxoxoxo
forever still here

kay

High School Drama

You'd think by the senior year of high school you wouldn't have to deal with drama, but it's still there. Basically girls are just bitches, and always will be. Just remember who your true friends are and hold them close, because there are a lot of girls out there who are going to stab you in the back, and sometimes more than once.


that's all I have to say..



Always hereee

kay

I guess...

Another short post because I literally have had no life in the past week between school, and work and swim and all such other things.
I don't really know what to post about tonight. Got nothing on my mind. Empty mind. Sometimes I think that this is worse because I literally sit here and stare at the screen, then I type, and then stare and so on and so on.
I guess writing this has also seemed pointless because like no on actually reads it. Come on. I'm just writing it to write it I guess. It makes me feel better, somehow.




I don't know.


Good night :)






always here,


me

People Leave..

I know that this is going to be a very berry short post, because I am very tired. But quick vent:


So lately I have come to the realization that yes, people do leave. Sometimes they just walk out, and don't give you a reason. But you must let that be reason enough. You mustn't hold on to them. You have to let go. The sooner the better. Especially toxic people in your life. The longer you hold on, the harder it's going to be to let go. You see, people that don't want to be in your life, shouldn't be allowed the space in your life. If it was that easy for them to walk out, then let them. They aren't fighting for you, so don't fight for them.

After a couple days, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll no longer talk to them and that's okay. You don't have to. Though, I know that you think about them from time to time, and wonder how people so close put so much distance in between them now, it's crazy. Honestly crazy how life works. But they aren't trying to talk to you, but that doesn't mean that they don't care, maybe they think about you too sometimes, maybe they wonder how you are. And you have to let that be enough, you have to keep moving on without them. Fill the empty void with something, just not them. (and not anything to bad, because I care about you all.)

I suppose this made no sense, but maybe I'll elaborate more upon the subject at a later date. For now, good night.

Always here,
kay <3


forever.kaylah@gmail.com

Stream of thoughts for the night before my 18th birthday;

A lot happens in a year. I'm slowly realizing that in those 365 days, nothing stays the same. People leave, and relationships change, and there's no way of stopping it. You just have to accept it. The last 365 days have flown by, and now that I'm looking back at it I wish I would have tried to slow it down. I wish I stopped to smell the flowers more often. In the last 365 days I completed Junior year. Had my last first day of high school. Completed my last Field Hockey season at the high school level. There have been so many more firsts and lasts that have happened and so many more to come. I honestly can't wait to see what this next year brings for me. With graduation around the corner and college, and everything else starting in the fall. I know people always think that it's scary to grow up. But I mean as long as you just learn from your mistakes, and try to take things on as best you can.

Honestly, this time last year, I was in a really dark place. I didn't even know if I'd make it much farther. It was really rocky, and I stayed in that dark place for a really long time. I got myself out of it. I let go of the toxic people, and I pushed away the bad thoughts. I bettered myself for me. I changed how I did things for me, and for no one else. I know a lot of people that focus on a lot of other things besides themselves at this age. Though I feel like right now is the best time to focus on you. 18 year olds have their whole lives in front of them to focus on other people. Right now people should just let them focus on themselves. It's really important.



On another note, I want to make a list of things that I think that I should remember during 2016, and maybe things that you should remember for 2016 too!

I. Let go of the Toxic People, but most importantly let go of Him.
This sounds stupid, but getting over ex's is a very hard thing to do. But now is a good time to let go of the memories, and to let go of the way he made you feel. Just take time to remember why you didn't work out, and to remember how he treated you. Then let go of it. Leave his name in 2015, it's a newer year. Time to focus on a better you.

2. Cherish the Time with Your Parents.
Personally, I feel like I haven't done this. But realistically I have like 8 months left in the house, and then I'm off to college. Obviously I'll come home, but it'll never be the same. And one day they'll be gone. For me, I want to cherish the time I spend with them, and maybe spend more time with them, instead of hating them and always going against them. They are parents after all.

3. Pick Your Battles.
No you won't always get your way, whether it's with friends, or family or school. But you can't make a fuss over everything. Things aren't fair, and some of them won't even matter after a point in time. The things that happen in High School you probably won't remember. Just always remember to do your best with whatever you do. Get the best grades you can. Attend school as much as you can. Just do things for your benefit, not for anyone else. And when things go wrong, don't make a big deal out of it, unless you feel like it's 100% worth it in the end.

4. Someone Might be Better than You.
and that is okay. You just have to accept it.

5. Chose Who Matters Most to You and Hold them Close.
You never know when you're going to lose them, and you never know when things are gonna change and you won't talk to them much. I have a lot of friends that I don't talk to anymore, but I still have the memories. Things change, and that's okay. But for now just remember who your true friends are, and cherish the high school moments you have left with them.



I guess that's all I have for tonight. Birthday stuff going on tomorrow, probably won't post, so Happy New Year to all! :)

xoxo

kay

(p.s. the capitalization is very very random in this post, and I'm very sorry for that)

Long Distance Best Friends are the best of friends..

I have a long distance best friend. Though I've never actually met her, she's always there for me, often more than my actual friends I have in my own town. She lives in Canada, and as weird and dorky as this sounds I met her on tumblr. So, if you're ever in doubt of trying to form a long distance best friend, just do it! I was super scared to open up to a complete stranger, but I mean everyone starts as strangers at first! I mean, you may live 5 minutes away, or 7 hours away, no matter what you can still be best friends!

SO, I'll tell you the story of how my best friend (her name is Hannah) and I met: 

It had been a long night, and I had been struggling with a lot at that point in time. So, on tumblr I posted something saying for people to talk to me, and message me on Kik. Usually people end up messaging for like not even 10 minutes and then ignoring me. But Hannah was different, she messaged me and we talked on and off for like a week. Then we stopped talking (later to figure out I thought she ignored me but just lost all her KIks, and forgot my username) but I messaged her and we kept talking. Basically we got really close over a couple of months and then she asked if we could skype, and I agree. My fear was that it was going to be hella awkward. But I mean it was for a period of time. And then we got super comfortable with each other. And now we have like 3 hour skype conversations...and we constantly message each other. I'm closer with her than my friends in my own state.

The only thing that sucks is half the time our convos go:

Me: come over and eat pizza with me

Her: on my way

Me: fuck see you in 11 hours 😫 

Her: dammit right. 

So basically life dream is to meet her in real life. And such, obviously. But I'm so thankful for her, and all she's done for me. Through boys, and drama. She's there. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I guess that my story for tonight. Something I wanted to talk about. 

My mail is always open; we can be good friends I promise. (Forever.kaylah@gmail.com)

xoxo

kay